


Tokyo Mirage Sessions FE by a guy who never played Tokyo Mirage Sessions FE

by Dr_J33



Series: FE by a guy who never played FE [3]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Genei Ibun Roku #FE | Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE, Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: CROSSOVER CONTENT, Crack, Draug who?, Microwave based violence, Parody, buckle up kiddos, do not take this seriously, this one’s weird
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2020-09-27 16:30:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20410831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dr_J33/pseuds/Dr_J33
Summary: Tsubasa Oribe Dreams of being a persona wielding idol, and with the help of the most uninteresting man in the universe, that dream might just come true.Don’t ask me why I wrote this, I don’t know either.Don’t bother reading this, it’s a waste of your time. Like even more of a waste of time than reading fan fiction usually is. Do your homework or something instead, drink water I dunno...Stop moving that mouse towards the title.





	1. Hey isn’t this just Persona 4?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey I wrote this like two years ago but never uploaded it. Then I dug it back up while going through my files and I felt that if I didn’t post this then i would be cursed for the next seven years.
> 
> I’d say enjoy, but I know nobody is going to enjoy this....

_Tokyo, a place of hopes, dreams, and canabalistic creatures known as the Ghouls that- wait... I have just been informed that this isn't a Tokyo ghoul fic.... well this is awkward. What's this story about again?.... idols? Fire emblem?.... shin megami tensei?... that's an odd combination but it's a fanfic so-.... ___

_ __ _

_ __ _

_WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS WAS AN ACTUAL GAME!? They actually did a SMT FE crossover!? Well I never played it so.... eh screw it I'll just wing it. Anyways let's start over, I can delete this part later. ___

_ __ _

_ __ _

Tsubasa Oribi stood in the bustling streets of Tokyo, looking up at the giant Jumbotron tv screen that was showing footage of an idol dancing. 

"This is it." Said Tsubasa "It is here that my dreams will come true, I'm going to become an idol and find my lost sister and-" 

*HONK*

"Hey get out of the road!" 

Tsubasa immediately got out of the bustling streets of Tokyo because it was rush hour and she was holding up traffic.

"God I forgot people drove cars in this country." She muttered to herself. 

"But you're Japanese, you’re from this country.”

Tsubasa looked to her left where Itsuki Aoi stood

"Oh hello there my childhood friend Itsuki, why are you in Tokyo?" 

"I live here." Said Itsuki "We've both lived here our entire lives why is this any different?" 

"Because today something exciting will happen I just know it!" Said Tsubasa.

"Like what?" 

At that point a man in a mysterious black coat default danced his way over to the pair, a dark energy could be felt as he danced ever closer to them.

“Hey did you know that this story was written almost two years ago and the author just forgot to upload it until now?” The man asked. “Pretty crazy right?”

“The what?” Asked Tsubasa

The mysterious man then pushed the pair into a conveniently placed tv where they fell into the Persona 4 TV World. 

"I never played a real SMT game." Said the man proudly as he shifted his dance into the floss because funny meme humor is what kids these days like right?

\------

Itsuki and Tsubasa landed in the Persona 4 tv world

"Where are we?" Asked Tsubasa. 

"We are in the tv!" Said Itsuki excitedly "Oh man it'll be just like Persona 4! We'll fight Shadows and confront our suppressed personal demons while solving a murder with a talking bear!" 

"There's no bears here." 

Arriving out of literally nowhere, Tiki stepped in eating a granola bar. 

"Hi welcome to the TV world." Said Tiki "I'm Tiki, your adorable and easily marketable mascot character." 

"That's.... perfectly fine with me." Said Itsuki 

"Why are we here?" Asked Tsubasa

"Well you fell in." Said Tiki. "I’d give you a big plot dump to set up the world building better but... there’s like a bazillion shadows coming.”

Several Shadows charged in while screeching. 

"Oh god monsters!" Screamed Tsubasa "I'm allergic to monsters!" 

"Don't worry!" Said Tiki "Just reach inside of yourself and you'll find the power to fight back!" 

"Oh okay." Said Itsuki as he took out a pocket knife. everybody have the youth a concerned look.

"W-What are you doing?" 

"I'm going to reach inside myself to find the power to fight back." Said Itsuki “I just gotta get through my ribs first....”

“N-Not literally!” Said Tiki

"Yeah dude that's messed up." Said Chrom. 

Everybody looked at Chrom with a confused expression. 

"Oh I mean... uh, I art though, though art I-" 

"That's Persona not SMT." Said Tiki

"Wow I got a persona!" Said Itsuki "Quick Arsene, attack!" 

"I'm not Arsene I'm Chrom from FIRE EMBLEM AWAKENING tm." 

"I wanted Arsene." 

"Yeah but can Arsene do this!?" 

Chrom cut the Shadows in half with a single slash. 

"With enough levels he could." Said Itsuki 

"SHUT UP AND TAKE THIS SWORD!" 

Chrom handed Itsuki a real ass sword.

"Hey I want a persona too." Said Tsubasa

Suddenly Caeda appeared in a puff of smoke.

"We’re actually called Mirages, it's totally different-" 

"OH MY GOD I HAVE A PERSONA!" Tsubasa shrieked "Do you know what this means?!" 

"That we must now use the tv to stop murders and unravel the horrible secret in Tokyo?" Said Itsuki

"No! It means we can become Idols! We have to recruit more persona users to make the ultimate idol team!"

"This is bullshit." Said Itsuki

"Agreed." Said Chrom

"A waste of your powers." Added Tiki

"You are unworthy of my abilities if this is the juvenile nonsense you you’ll use them on." Said Caeda. 

"THEN IT’S SETTLED LETS GO!"


	2. Auditions for the worst band ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to the four people who read this crappy story.

Everyone stood behind a table as the group began auditions for the persona user idol group.

"Alright first possible recruit come in!" Tsubasa shouted "Auditions start now!" 

Touma stepped in and posed. Yes I know he has a full name and I’m too lazy to look it up.

"Heya I'm Touma and I'm ready to roll!" 

"So what can you do?" Asked Tsubasa

"I have no musical talents, I know karate, my dad left me when I was eight and my Mirrage is a red guy on a tricycle who pokes people with a big stick!" 

"Hired!" Said Itsuki "He's the perfect Yosuke!" 

"But he has no musical talent." Said Tsubasa 

"True but he's attractive, his appearance alone will net us a thousand yen in record sales." 

"True... alright you and your persona are in." 

"Awesome!" Said Touma "Hear that Cain! We're in!" 

Cain rode in on a tricycle. 

"That's great. Oh hi Caeda." 

"Hi Cain.... where's Abel?" 

"Some sidequest probably,..." 

Touma took a seat behind the table as Kiria stepped in with Tharja.

"Hey I'm Kiria, I'm a singer, Im a punk and I'm also a mage." 

“Oh my god we got Kira Buckland here!” Said Tsubasa

“I wish.” Said Kira “Unfortunately we’re sub only...” 

"Please tell me your magic isn't just a gun, we already used that joke before." Said Itsuki 

"Oh don't worry." Said Kiria "It’s much more innovative than that, right Tharja?" 

"I'm nothing like my original character and it's distasteful." 

"Oh you crack me up Tharja." 

"I like her she's in." Said Tsubasa 

"Eh she's okay." Added Touma 

"Sweet." 

Kiria took a seat next to Touma. 

"I have a good feeling about this." Said Tsubasa. 

\-----

Tsubasa rolled her eyes as the next guy rambled on about shoes and idol shit.

"So in conclusion Wake Up Girls is a far superior show than Idolmaster." 

"Get out." Said Touma. 

The man frowned and left. 

"Can we get somebody who isn't an idiot now?" Asked Kiria

Elenora stepped in alongside her fedora wearing mirage Virion

"Hey is this the auditions for the stand wielding idols?" She asked

"Possibly, depends on what you can do." Kiria muttered. 

"I can shoot things with a bow and so can my partner Virion." 

Vision tipped his fedora. 

"Milady." 

"Can you sing?" Asked Tsubasa

"Yes but I’m contractually restricted to singing Splatoon covers.”

"You're hired blonde girl!" Said Itsuki

"Aright! This is surely going to further my acting career!" Said Elanora

"Milady." Virion agreed.

Elanora sat with the others as Mamori stepped in carrying a microwave.

"Hi I'm Mamori-" 

"Sorry we're not hiring kids." Said Touma. 

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY!?" 

Mamori threw the microwave at Touma, hitting him in the face and knocking him out of his seat. 

"Ow my beautiful face!" 

"I'll have you know that I'm the best loli microwave idol in the industry!" She began "I already have a hot pocket sponsorship and I was voted best girl three times in a row!" 

Elanora chuckled. 

"Kid I won that seven times, get on my level." 

"Well I do like hot pockets...." Itsuki muttered "Do you have a persona?" 

"I do!" Mamori said excitedly "Introduce yourself Draug!" 

Mamori's mirage partner appeared in a flash of light. 

"I told you my name is Hector!" The mirage spoke.

"You're in." Said Tsubasa "You and Daraug." 

"Yay!" 

"I told you I'm not Draug I'm Hector." 

Tsubasa stood up and smiled. 

"We have six people now, that's enough for us to enter the Grand Idol Championship." 

"The what?" Asked Touma 

"The Grand Idol Championship." Said Kiria "Its the biggest idol event of the year, stand wielding idol groups come together and compete to see who the best group is." 

"If we win this, then we'll become the best idols in all of Japan!" Tsubasa added. "Aren't you excited Iseki!?" 

"I'm too busy wondering if we're still in the tv or not." Said Iseki

"Wait you forgot me!" 

Barry Goodman ran in carrying a battleaxe. 

"You forgot me! The loveable American Barry Goodman!" 

"Uh Barry," Tsubasa began "You're not playable." 

Barry dropped his axe in shock

"B-But I have a trailer.... there's DLC-" 

"Sorry Barry but you can't join unless you're a cute anime girl or a sexy anime boy..." said Elanora

"N-No.... this isn't right.... this is racism against American characters! You'll be hearing from my lawyer!" 

Barry ran off crying as Touma and Iseki looked at each other. 

"That got dark fast...." 

"Yeah...."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Hector running gag is one of the few things I actually liked about this fic.


	3. Oh god it’s a crossover now.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when you thought this story couldn’t get any worse, it becomes a love live-crossover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter goes out to my old buddy who would sever all ties with me if he ever found this story. 
> 
> Also there’s a switch port coming now. People can actually play this soon.

The day of the Grand Idol Championship arrived and everybody was backstage in carnage form. 

"So why are we wearing these crappy outfits?" Asked Touma 

"Well when mirage masters fight they assume a powerful new form to accommodate the extra power." Said Cain "We call this transformation, Carnage form." 

"Actually it's because we wanted to capitalize on Persona 5." Said Tharja. 

"I look ridiculous." Said Iseki 

"But you feel great right?" Asked Tsubasa 

"I feel embarrassed." 

"Great now let's go and win the competition!" 

They walked onstage with all of the other mirage using idols as the crowd cheered. 

"Ladies and gentlemen!" Announcer Anna began "Welcome to the Grand Idol Championship! Where mirage master idols will fight to the death to see who gets a record deal and a sponsorship from Outback Steakhouse!" 

"Wait we have to fight?" Asked Iseki "I thought it was a singing contest." 

"No it's a battle royale." Said Elanora “It’s the hot new trend.”

"Bring it on!" Shouted Mamori as she held up a microwave.

"This child worries me." Muttered Hector. 

"Now let the battle begin!" 

Suddenly all the other competition was immediately cut down in a single second. 

"Oh my goodness!" Anna shouted "All the teams besides one have been immediately slaughtered by the ten time champions!" 

On the opposite side of the stage eight teenage girls posed dramatically. 

"It's Muse! Muse has killed the competition again!" Announced Anna “And I also have to say their name the way it’s pronounced because the keyboard doesn’t have that weird symbol that they use for a name!”

"Oh no not Muse!" Said Tsubasa "They never lost an idol battle!" 

Honoka winked and posed.

"Let's go girls and win this one for Nozomi!" 

"Where did she go anyways?" Asked Hayano

"Dunno." Said Maki with a shrug.

Nico stepped forwards and smirked. 

"I'll wipe them out with one strike." Said Nico

She raised her hands and closed her eyes. 

"Nico Nico ni-" 

Elanora pulled out a revolver and shot Nico in the head, taking her out of the fight.

"Bitch." Elanora muttered.

"Milady." Added Virion 

"We still outnumber them." Said Eli 

"NOT ANYMORE YOU DONT!" 

Yashiro emerged from a pile of dead contestants with his mirage partner, Izanagi- sorry I mean Navarre.

"I, Yasihiro survived your instant death attack and now I'm joining these other guys to avenge my fallen teammates!" 

He looked down at the remains of his now deceased group: the Backstreet Boys.

"Bye bye bye.... my friends." 

"Oh sweet we got a Myrmidon." Said Iseki "Does he crit like crazy?" 

"No I'm just really edgy." Said Yashiro

".... Disappointing but okay." 

"This is it!" Tsubasa shouted "We have to beat muse and fulfill our dreams!" 

"They still wish to fight." Said Honoka "Then let's give them one!" 

And then the two Idol groups broke off and engaged in battle with one another.

—-

"Your persona is no match for my stand!" Elanora shouted as she stared down Hayano.

"You fool!" Hayano retorted "My mirage partner is the greatest marksman in all of mirage land! Now go my partner!" 

Hayano's partner 3-13 archer appeared carrying a ballista. 

"I'm going to get you!.... in about five turns." 

Elanora rolled her eyes. 

"Milady." Said Virion

"Yeah shoot her." 

"Milady!" 

Virion then shot Hayano 17 times with arrows before she could fight back. 

"Why am I the first... to go....." 

And then her body dissapeared Fire Emblem style as 3-13 archer shrugged and walked away. 

\------

Touma was locked in combat with Rin and her mirage partner: Sigurd.

"You cannot hope to win nya!" Said Rin "My partner only has one weakness!" 

"It's fire isn't it?" Asked Touma

"What? Uh... n-no... no it's not nya...."

Cain lit his spear on fire with a lighter he bought at the gas station for two dollars and threw it at Sigurd, causing him to instantly combust.

“Gah the valflame burns!” Screamed Sigurd “Curse you Arvis! Curse you you wife stealing dastard!!!!!”

Sigurd died as Rin watched in horror 

“Oh no Nya! I’ve been defeated!” Exclaimed Rin “Now I can no longer maintain my human form nya!”

And then Rin turned into a cat and left.

“Wow this fight kinda sucked.” Said Touma “We just beat her Mirage in one strike?”

“So are we just going to ignore the fact that she was a cat the entire time?” Asked Cain 

—

Kiria meanwhile was locked in combat with Kotori.

“So you’re a mage as well.” Said Kotori

“I am” said Kiria “Now show your mirage so we may have a mage battle!”

“Very well! Come my partner!”

“To me-“

“THARJA”

“ROBIN”

Tharja and Robin appeared in flashes of light.

Tharja smiled evily as Robin froze in horror.

“Robin my dear is that you?” Asked Tharja

“Oh gods not her!”

Robin ran away with Tharja close behind

“There is no escaping my love!”

“NOT THE S RANK PLEASE!”

Kiria and Kotori gave each other a confused look.

“What just happened?”

Kiria shrugged and knocked Kotori out with a mic stand.

—

Mamori called Hector forth as she glared Maki down.

“Draug eliminate her mirage partner while I deal with the master.”

“Gods it’s like you can’t even hear me.” Muttered Hector.

Hector trudged forwards and Maki summoned her mounted mirage partner.

“Alright let’s get this over with.” Said Hector “I’ll probably one shot you anywa-“

Hector stopped and looked at his opponent.

“Wait, Eliwood?”

The mounted mirage Eliwood lowered his weapon.

“Hector you’re here too?”

“Yeah one moment I’m in Ostia talking to Oswin and the next thing I know I’m here taking orders from a child.” 

“Same.” Eliwood nodded

“I tell ya Eliwood, it’s awful. That girl keeps calling me Draug. I’m not Draug I’m Hector!”

“So do we have to fight now?”

“Not really, my mirage master is beating yours up right now.”

Hector gestured to Mamori who was beating Maki to death with a microwave. 

“Oh my gods that’s gruesome....”

“Child actors man.” Said Hector “I swear every one of them gets messed up.”

_____

Yasahiro approached Eli, drawing his katana.

“You killed my group before we could make our big comeback....”

“And now I’ll kill you before you can avenge them.” Said Eli “Go Gregor! Kill them!”

In a flash of light a dancer Mirage appeared. 

“WHOPPIE DO ITS ME LALLUM!!!!”

“Nani the hell!?” Shouted Eli “Where’s Gregor!?”

“Oh I didn’t want him to make the obvious Russian joke so I’m here instead.” Said Lalum “I can’t fight but I can sure as heckles dance!”

Lalum started dancing idiotically as Eli collapsed to her knees. 

“My cool mirage partner got replaced with the worst character in the entire franchise....”

Yasahiro lowered his sword. 

“Oh um...sorry, you know this doesn’t feel right, killing a girl who doesn’t even have a functioning mirage partner, right Navarre?”

“Yeah I mean I’m an edgelord but I’m not this cold hearted....” Said Navarre

Eli groaned and Lalum moved over behind Eli.

“Who whoo! MAGIC DANCE! WHOP WHOP!”

Eli laid down on her side and gave up on everything. 

“I hate everything....”

“SPINNY MOVE DANCE KICK JIG WHOLOLOLO!!!!”

________

Tsubasa approached Umi and her mirage Palla.

“You May be undefeated, but I’ll never give up!” Said Tsubasa “I’m dead set on my dream of becoming an Idol Persona user!”

“Even if it means killing your own flesh and blood?” Umi Asked 

“What do you mean?!”

“You’d kill your own sister just to achieve your goals? I’m dissapointed Tsubasa.”

“S-Sister!?” 

Umi smirked 

“That’s right... it’s me, your sister.”

“Y-You should be dead.”

“The day I disappeared Tsubasa, I ran away from home to join Muse... where I awakened my Mirage Palla.”

“GET IT!? BECAUSE SISTERS!?” Palla shouted.

Umi chuckled 

“You now have two options dearest sister, either you kill your own sister, the one person who truly loved you, or you join me in Muse and-“

“CAEDA KILL”

CAEDA impaled Umi on her lance

“AAAAAHHHHH!!!! OH GODS THIS HURTS!!!! OOOHHHH!!!! YOU GREEDY B WORD! YOU’D KILL YOUR OWN SISTER JUST TO GET FAMOUS!? THATS SCREWED UP!!! GAH! ITS POPED MY LUNG!!!”

“I see through your lies Umi,” Said Tsubasa “You’re not my sister, you’re a robot!”

“WHA-NO IM NOT A ROBOT IM BLEEDING RIGHT HERE! ROBOTS DON-“

Caeda chucked the dying Umi off into the distance where her life ended in silence alone. 

“We sure showed her right Caeda?” Asked Tsubasa 

“That was horribly cruel what you just did.” Said Caeda 

“Now we just need Itsuki to win and the prize is ours.”

—

Itsuki And Chrom stood ready for battle against Honoka.

“So you think you can defeat the most powerful Idol in existence.” Said Honoka 

With a wave of her arm Honoka’s Mirage partner appeared; a silver draconian being holding a golden sword with chainsaw teeth. 

“Go Corrin!”

“I couldn’t decide between Nohr or Hoshido, so I became an idol instead!” Said Corrin. 

“Chrom go fight her persona!” Said Itsuki

“Right!”

The two mirages engaged in a sword fight of epic proportions, however none of you get to see it because this is a written story and I don’t want to write it out in great detail. It’s pretty cool though.

“Come on Corrin you got this!”

“You can do it Chrom!”

“I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED!” Corrin Exclaimed. 

Then without warning a spear flew into Corrin’s chest. 

“N-Nani!?”

Behind Corrin stood Caeda. She spoke calmly and coldly as her hands grabbed corrin’s head. 

“Sorry but in this world of idols and mirages.” Caeda began, adjusting her grip. 

Caeda leaned in close and whispered the last words Corrin would ever hear to him. 

“Mercy has no place.” 

And with that Caeda snapped Corrin’s neck, killing the mirage. Honoka looked on in horror. 

“Oh god’s... my Mirage.... m-my friends.... I got to-“ 

Honoka never finished her thoughts. Seconds later Mamori bludgeoned Honoka to death with a microwave. 

“DING! HOT POCKETS DONE!”

Itsuki looked around at all the bloodshed and dead idols, a disgusted look on his face. 

“What have we done.... these young girls... we.... we....-“

“We won the Grand Idol Championship that’s what!” Tsubasa interrupted “We can finally live out our dreams of becoming Persona user idols!”

“Not so fast Heroes....”

From the chaos of the stage Nico got to her feet and grinned evilly, 

“What the-“

“God’s...”

“OH COME ON I SHOT YOU!!!”

“It’s not over Idols.” Said Nico “In fact you’re playing right into my hands....” 

“What the hell is going on?!” Chrom demanded. 

“Well I’ll explain Chrom, prince of Yillise, Slayer of Grima, eater of a full unpeeled orange.”

Nico began to glow with a dark purple energy. 

“But first, I Nico Nico need to introduce myself. 

Nico’s form shifted into that of a grand powerful looking sorcerer.

“Nico was but a vessel for me, the dark druid, master mage, destroyer of worlds..... Lord Nergal!”

“NERGAL!!!!!!!!” Hector and Eliwood Screamed. 

———

**Author's Note:**

> There’s more to this.
> 
> I’m sorry.


End file.
